Love is lke Vodka, Best Served Cold
by ChasetheMourning
Summary: Rangiku tries to convince her fellow Lieutenants Shuhei and Renji to go to a bar with her. Renji gets a little too drunk and finds himself extremely attracted to the 9th lieutenant. hijinks ensue and the two end up in bed for a night they'll never forget!


"Come on, guys! It's a really cool bar!" Rangiku Matsumoto said as she tried to convince her two friends to come with her to a local bar in the World of the Living.

"I'm in, cutie." Shuhei Hisagi replied as he grabbed a handful of Rangiku's firm ass, making the 10th squad lieutenant blush.

"Shuhei-kun! Stop that! You're such a letch!" Rangiku giggled.

"You like it, baby." The 9th lieutenant chuckled.

The busty blonde turned to her red-haired companion. "What about you Renji?"

The third lieutenant shook his head. "Nah, I'm not much of a drinker."

The raven haired man put his arm around Renji's broad shoulders. "Come on Renji! Loosen up! Haven fun while we're in the World of the Living!"

"Captain Kuchiki wouldn't-"

"Is Captain Kuchiki here? No! So let's have some fun! Hell, even with my captain here I still do what I want." Rangiku chuckled.

Renji sighed as he gave into the offer. "Fine, fine, I'll go."

XXX

"This place is really…neon." Renji said as he looked around the club.

"That just makes it more fun. Let's go to the bar now. I dance better when I'm drunk." Rangiku dragged the two men through the crowded dance floor towards the bar. Renji looked around and noticed that there weren't many women around.

"What kind of bar is this?" he whispered to himself.

"Bartender, 2 sex on the beaches, an apple martini, a Cosmo, a panty dropper, long island ice tea and a big ol' Blue Hawaii! What do you guys want?" Rangiku asked.

"Rangiku, you could get alcohol poisoning! Are you trying to kill yourself?" Renji exclaimed.

"Relax Renji! I'm a shinigami! I can handle it! Beside I need all that liquor to deal with Captain Hitsugaya late. Shuhei's lucky he doesn't have to deal with his annoying justified captain anymore." the blonde replied.

Shuhei looked away. He had just begun to forget the betrayal his captain had done to him. _I guess she's right. Tosen was annoying and I'll be glad to defeat him one day._

Renji rolled his eyes as he saw Rangiku begin to down her drinks. "Rangiku you can be insensitive sometimes."

The busty lieutenant looked at Shuhei and instantly shoved his head in her giant boobies. "Aw, Shuhei, you know I love you! I'm just joking. You two better loosen up!"

Shuhei smiled. "Guess you're right, Rangiku. Bartender, hit me up with some beer!"

"I'll just have an Ice Tea." the red-head mumbled.

"By Ice Tea he means add a big ass bottle of Vodka to it!" the 9th Lieutenant added.

Rangiku took her Blue Hawaii to the dance floor. She met up with one of the few women in the bar and began dancing with her, constantly sipping from the straw in the corner of her mouth.

"I'm Haruki."

The red head turned back to the bartender who was smiling coyly at him. The young man handed Renji his ice tea with a little wink.

"Oh…hey. I'm lieu-…Renji."

"There's a shift change in about fifteen minutes. Wanna dance later?" Haruki asked.

_Dance with a man? Humans are really weird._ "Uh…I…um…"

"Sorry," Shuhei said, glaring at the bartender. "We don't roll that way."

_Roll what way?_ Renji thought to himself.

"If you don't roll that way then why are you in a gay bar?" the bartender asked.

"What?" Renji and Shuhei screamed simultaneously.

"Rangiku's behind all this! Is this some cruel joke? Where is she?" Shuhei tried to say over the loud techno music.

Renji scanned the club trying to find the tall blonde but to no avail. "I can't find her anywhere! It's like she disappeared!" 

The 9th lieutenant sighed. "We can't leave without her, especially after she had six drinks!"

Renji dipped at his tea, really hoping it was filled with vodka. _This is going to be one looooong night._

"You stay here and I'll scan the area. You can join me later if I can't find her on my own."

The redhead nodded and ordered a stronger drink.

XXX

When Shuhei returned to the bar with a slurring, stumbling Rangiku in tow, Renji was nowhere to be seen. "What the-? Where did he go?"

"I tink dazzz him over dere" the blonde lieutenant slurred.

Shuhei turned in the direction Rangiku was pointing at. The redhead was plastered between Haruki and another brunette, dancing like a video vixen. The raven haired lieutenant smacked his forehead. "MY GOD! I leave him alone for a few minutes and he goes and gets drunk!"

"Maybe ya shouldn't have told him to stay at da bar!" Rangiku hiccupped.

"I think that's the smartest thing you've said all night!" the only sober lieutenant made his way over to Renji, reluctantly leaving Rangiku behind. The other boy's the redhead was dancing with were moaning as they groped and kissed at the 6th squad lieutenant. "HEY! Get off him! He isn't some piece of meat!"

"Are you his boyfriend?" the brunette asked.

"No, but-"

"Then leave." Haruki added.

Shuhei growled. "You know what! I am his boyfriend! So you better back off my man…bitch!" both brunette gave him a questioning look before walking away from Renji.

"Whatever."

Renji fell into the arms of his savior. "Hey, what's up buddy?" Renji slurred.

"Renji you stink! How many drinks did you have?"

"Oh just 1 or 2...or 10. Around there."

"TEN! Rangiku only had seven…I hope. We have to get you home NOW!" Shuhei cried.

"Whoooo! Can we take those other boys too? I wanna have an ORGY!"

The raven haired lieutenant's face turned a bright strawberry red. "Huh? R-Renji you've have too much to drink! Come on, we have to get go!" Shuhei grabbed onto Renji's arm and tried pulling him towards the exit of the club.

"Hey your hands off me woman! I wanna have fun! You never let me have any fun!" the redhead exclaimed.

Shuhei growled. "Renji I'm telling you right now if you don't come with my I'm gonna-"

"OMG!" Renji shrieked, making Shuhei jump back in surprise. "THAT'S MY SONG!" Renji ran up to the stage and grabbed the karaoke microphone before Shuhei could even come close to stopping him. The intro the "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry began to play and Renji started singing along. As the redhead sang the crowd grew more excited as less as more and more clothes disappeared from his muscular frame. The drunk lieutenant sashayed and shimmied around the small stage like a Vegas showgirl.

"Oh god, I have got to get him off there before he embarrasses himself any further!" Shuhei said to himself. He tried to push his way threw the rioting crowd that Renji through his shirt into.

"I kissed a girl just to try it/ Hope my boyfriend-" As the redhead said "boyfriend" he pointed at Shuhei and gave him a flirty little wink.

_What the hell is he thinking? _Shuhei blushed. The sharp off key singing snapped him out of his thought. He rushed on stage and grabbed Renji, covered the redhead's body before more clothes could come off. The crowd booed loudly as their beautiful showgirl was ripped from the stage. Shuhei dragged Renji back to the bar where he picked up a passed out Rangiku. He dragged the two other lieutenants out of the bar and towards their Urahara made "car".

"You're so mean! I didn't even get to finish my song!" Renji cried.

The raven haired man whipped around and glared at Renji angrily. "I leave you along for fifteen minutes and this is how you turn out? You didn't have to loosen up that much! don't you know better? Go against Rangiku's example, don't follow it!"

"as if you're a saint!" the fiery redhead shot back, "How many times did you show up to work with a hangover after a night with Rangiku, you hypocritical asshole!"

"Get in the car!" Shuhei screamed.

"Make me!" Renji challenged. Shuhei grabbed his thick forearm and shoved him into the passenger's seat of the car. He slammed the door shut and strapped Rangiku into the back seat. He stomped angrily towards the driver's side and got in.

Renji's onyx eyes looked over at Shuhei who was fuming as he drove. He leaned over and place a small kiss onto his cheek. "I'm sorry, Shuhei. You won't tell Captain Kuchiki about this will you?"

Shuhei sighed. "I guess not. You covered for me sometimes."

The redhead smiled. And just when Shuhei thought he was coming to senses, he said, "I'm horny. Wanna fuck?"

Shuhei swerved the car and almost hit a lamppost. "What the hell?"

"What? You're my boyfriend right?" Renji moved closer, putting his hand on Shuhei's thigh. The older shinigami blushed.

"S-stop Renji! We're guys! I-it was a joke. We aren't really gay!"

"But you're so sexy, Lieutenant Hisagi." the redhead said, his voice seeping with sex. It was almost too sexual. Too…hot. Renji slipped his hands in between the thick, muscular thighs and cupped the growing bulge in the 9th lieutenant's pants. Shuhei pulled up to Orihime's house, where they were staying, in a screeching halt.

"oh look! We're here!" the raven haired lieutenant laughed nervously.

"great, now I can get you in bed faster." Renji smirked as he got out the car and stumbled towards the apartment. Shuhei got Rangiku from the backseat and put her over his shoulders. He poked his head inside the silent apartment, searching for the redhead, who was no where to be seen. Shuhei put Rangiku down on the couch and covered her with a plush pink blanket. He then made his way upstairs to Orihime's room, where he slept. He opened the door and found Renji in bed, completely nude and waiting for him.

"Why are you naked?" He shouted. "Put your clothes back on!" the lieutenant turned to leave but the redhead sprung out of bed and ripped his jeans down to his ankles.

"Oh, Shuhei, you've got some heat packin' don't ya?"

The 9th lieutenant was quick to cover himself up. "Stop it! This is highly inappropriate!"

Renji stood up and towered over Shuhei. "You'll like it, I promise."

"No! remember Rangiku? Do you know how many time I felt her up? A lot! And I liked every minute of it!" the redhead slammed his body against Shuhei's and wrapped his arms around his small waist. "no Renji!"

Renji ignored the shinigami cries and landed below Shuhei's jaw line. He gently suckled and nibbled on certain spots making the smaller lieutenant shiver. It felt really, really good. Against his own will, Shuhei found his arms wrapping around Renji's body. His lips tentatively kissed at the man's broad chest.

The redhead let out a drunken giggle. "you're all buff and warm! You're like a monkey!"

"A monkey? What the hell?"

"My widdle monkey!" Renji cooed as he picked the older man up and spun him around.

"Put me down!" Shuhei squirmed.

Renji chuckled as he put down the smaller man. His slender fingers grabbed a hold of his partner's shirt and slowly pushed it away from the slightly tanned chest. He kissed at the muscular torso, moving his tongue lower down his abs. Shuhei held in his laughter. His stomach was where he was most ticklish. Renji moved his kisses even lower.

"Hey! Wait…Renji…"

"Oh yeah! I forgot! Your ass has never been touched before! I'll be reeeeeeaall gentle." the redhead gave the other man a rough shove, making him fall onto the bed.

"I thought you said you were going to be gentle!"

Renji poked at his biceps. "Huh, guess I don't know my own strength!"

The raven haired lieutenant rolled his onyx eyes and pulled Renji closer. He took Renji's face in his hands and kissed at his lips gently. "None of that mushy stuff! Lube it up! Lube it up!" Renji shouted, pounding his fist into the air.

Shuhei sighed. "Fine, if you insist, but I don't have any."

"Crap! Let's think of something else to use. Like peanut butter!" Renji offered.

"What. The. Fuck. I'm not using peanut butter."

"Veggie oil?"

"No."

"Butter?"

"No."

"Whip cream?"

"this isn't a fucking buffet! No food products!" Shuhei shouted.

Renji looked around and stumbled around the room looking for a lubricant substitute. He found Orihime's glitter lotion and held it up. "Got something!" He threw it towards Shuhei.

"Why is it so sparkly?" the raven haired lieutenant asked.

"Who cares!" Let's get it on!"

Shuhei let out a deep sigh as he gathered some of the lotion on his fingertips. Renji wrapped his arms around Shuhei's neck and kissed him gently. The older soul reaper pushed the redhead's cheek apart before slipping a single finger inside the tight cavity. The redhead moaned deeply into the kiss. Shuhei felt the vibration on the back of his throat. He wriggled his fingers around the tight space, slowly opening it more. Renji let out a soft whimper.

"Does it hurt?" Shuhei whispered.

"A little but the booze helps."

"You're gonna have one hell of a hangover."

"You'll take care of me." Renji smirked as he lay beneath Shuhei and stared up at the pale, sculpted torso. He licked his lips thinking about what the raven haired shinigami tasted like. Shuhei lifted the redhead's legs and wrapped them around his waist. He lined up his cock and dove into the semi-stretched hole. The 6th squad lieutenant let out a loud moan and clawed at the older man's shoulders.

"Just relax, Renji. It'll be okay." Shuhei made slow small trusts as the other lieutenants boy heated up. He could feel the tense muscles let go and accept him even more. He moved deeper, stirring his hips with every sensual grind. Renji gripped the sweat soaked sheets around him, arching up in pleasure with each thrust. He licked his lips as heavy breaths and deep groans escaped from them. His whole body seemed to quiver with pleasure. Soon the redhead pushed back against his lover's hips, slamming their bodies together.

Shuhei licked his lips as small beads of sweat ran down his slim torso. The moaning shinigami beneath him pulled him closer. "Deeper!" He pleaded.

The raven haired lieutenant grabbed onto the younger man's hips and trusted as deep and fast as he could. The tip of his cock pushed up against all the ridges making the amazing feeling travel through out. A beautiful sensation spread through the redhead's body. His toes curled as all the muscles in his lover half tightened.

"Damn Renji! I'm glad you got drunk!" Shuhei said as he laid his head on Renji's shoulder. His soft pants fell onto the sticky skin.

"Running out of steam, lieutenant?" the redhead chuckled.

"Shut up, fire crotch!"

The 6th lieutenant tightened his grip on Shuhei's waist and flipped him over. His cock slipped out of the tight confines of Renji's ass.

The redhead smirked. "I can make you cum without even being inside ya."

"You're gonna go down on me?" Shuhei asked.

"No, I have standards Shuhei."

"Right, blowjob is definitely below singing karaoke onstage and shaking your ass on stage."

Renji ignored the comment and shoved his rock hard erection into the older man's balls. The connection surprised him. It was almost as pleasurable as the thrusting. The younger soul reaper rocked his hips in a circular motion, grinding himself into his lover.

Shuhei bit onto his bottom lip so hard that it started to bleed. Renji lapped at the crimson liquid and smirked as the older man dug his nails into the bed sheets. His raven hair had just begun to stick to his face. Renji threw his head back making his hair fall sexily to one side, cascading past his shoulders.

"Oh god Renji!"

The older shinigami body spasmed, sending a vast flow of cum onto his lover's stomach. Slowly his body relaxed as his breath began to return to normal. Renji slid his cock down to the other man's entrance. His large head burst through the tiny pucker. The raven haired man stifled a cry. The 6th lieutenant only trusted with his tip while he massaged his cock with his hand. Each hand movement matched his thrusts. Soon he convulsed, sending his own seed into Shuhei's tiny hole. He collapsed beside the smaller man not wanting to overwhelm him with his weight.

"It didn't hurt too bad did it?" Renji asked.

"No way! I can take it." Shuhei yawned.

The redhead smiled. "Sure, whatever ya say Shuhei, whatever ya say."


End file.
